Andy Livengood

Actor. Comedian. All around fun guy.

ProFlowers Isn't Over my Breakup

 While I was dating my Ex-girlfriend, I would send her flowers from ProFlowers.com. After the breakup, I no longer required their services. Since the split, I have gotten 4-5 emails a week asking me if I would like to surprise her with flowers.

Dear ProFlowers,

              As you know, I am a loyal ProFlowers customer. I enjoy the quality of your flowers and that of your customer service. I appreciate your desire to save me money on my next flower delivery to Maggie Jo, but, unfortunately,  I will not be taking you up on your offer.

           Unfortunately, Maggie Jo and I broke up a few months ago. While I appreciate a good bargain, I feel like surprising her with flowers now may send the wrong message.

           I have been receiving these emails since the breakup. I have repeatedly clicked unsubscribe, but when I check my inbox, there they are. I’m sure you’ll understand that I really don’t want a constant weekly reminder that I’m still single. I’d like to check my email without the painful sorrowful moment that comes with your special offers.

 Thank you,

 Andy

 

Look, ProFlowers. Maggie Jo and I broke up. It’s okay. It’s nothing you did. Sometimes people break up. It’s unfortunate, but it happens. This isn’t anything you did. I still love you and your website. I know you want us to get back together, but it’s not going to happen. Don’t beat yourself up. It will be okay.

 

ProFlowers, relax a little. You don’t want to come off as desperate. Being needy won’t make you feel any better. It’s not you….it’s me. Just promise me you’ll stop obsessing about this. It’s for the best.

 

Come on, ProFlowers. You’ll get over this. There’s plenty of fish in the sea. You’re a great corporation. A girl would have to be crazy not to want to get flowers from you. You gotta stop moping around. She’s moved on. You need to too. I know it’s hard, but you got to stop thinking about her all the time.

Proflowers, are you drunk? I’m worried about you.

 

ProFlowers. There’s nothing you could have done. These things happen. Obsessing about it won’t bring her back. I mean, did you think it was going to last forever?  Just try to remember the good times we had. I ordered flowers. You sent flowers. She enjoyed flowers. We’ll always have that.

Proflowers, It’s not your fault.

 

It’s not your fault.

 

It’s not your fault.

 

It’s not your fault, ProFlowers.

 It’s not your fault……

ProFlowers? Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you in a while.

 Look who finally moved on! I’m proud of you, ProFlowers, you didn’t mention her at all! Let’s go out this weekend and pick up some girls. You bring the flowers.